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My Husband Has Said Awful, Hurtful Things To Me – So I’m Not Sure We Can Save Our Marriage
Saving your marriage with two loved ones can feel dangerous and overwhelming at times. But saving your marriage when a spouse isn’t involved and has said terrible things can feel impossible. A wife may be dealing with a marriage in which both parties have said unkind words that cause anger, sadness, and feelings of hopelessness. In such a situation, it can be difficult to decide where to even begin.
A wife can say, “I admit that when my husband and I were fighting when they were separating, I said some bad things to him. It seems that I was just thrown away from him when he was trying to settle himself and decide what he wanted. For example, he said that I sold him when we were dating, he said that she was a funny girl who was not healthy, but after he married me, he realized that it is very long. You acted as if I deliberately deceived him, and changed my behavior because of sin. He didn’t realize that people naturally grow and change over time, he even called me ‘portly’ once. I think I am happy to make you happy. These are small injuries, but we have children to think about. ‘ had asked him if he thought it would be possible to save our marriage. His answer was that he didn’t know, but that he thought we’d better go with the flow now. It is very cold and wet. Despite this, I would like to save my marriage for the sake of my children. But when I mention this to my brother or my friends, they both ask why I want to date someone who has spoken badly of me. I see their point. Are hurtful words an indication that you cannot or should not save your marriage?”
I’m not a consultant, but in a non-professional opinion, that’s okay. If your spouse makes it a habit to say sad things to you despite being angry or fighting, this is a problem because it shows an example of cruelty or lack of compassion. If he is saying things meant to hurt you without any regard for your feelings and the relationship is always toxic, then I would like to see some changes before I make any long term commitment.
With that being said, it’s very common for both people to say some awful things in the middle of a fight or during a breakup. Emotions can be incredibly high. Both husbands can say what they deeply regret and are incredibly ashamed and remorseful about later. I knew this was the case during my own breakup. We both said things that really hurt each other. I wish I could get them back, but I can’t. Your husband may feel this way too. It really comes down to the question of whether the meanest things are said in the heat of the moment or whether it is a typical habit of your husband to be abusive or verbally abusive. There is a difference between a couple fighting and trading insults that hurt each other and a marriage where one spouse insults the other for sport. If you can’t decide which category your marriage falls into, I would suggest asking a counselor or neutral third party. Sometimes we get so close to our situation that we can’t see it clearly.
If you decide that your husband’s words are due to the situation rather than the intention to hurt you, then I can tell you that it is possible to move beyond hurtful interactions. My husband and I are sometimes mean to each other when we are together. And I am guilty as it is. I was so happy that he came out that I was intentionally fingered because I was just trying to get an answer from him. In the end though, I decided to let go of any anger I had about these conversations because I wanted to move on. I decided to use the conversation to draw a line in the sand to define the kind of marriage I no longer wanted. Of course, no one can get through life without saying something angry to their spouse, but with effort and time, you can improve your marriage so that the words you say are happy rather than angry.
When your marriage is back on track and you’re feeling love and security for your spouse again, those types of abusive conversations often show up. If the conversations are bothering you, then you can certainly ask for clarification when things calm down and when you are back on solid ground. It would be fair to ask if you really have an issue with your weight or your behavior, but I would suspect that if you had this conversation when things were better (or if you intervened) she would say those things are the only things you say. because he was angry then.
But to answer the first question, you save your marriage in this scenario by asking yourself what your husband’s intentions are. Once you are satisfied that these destructive words are not the norm, then you work on yourself first and then on your marriage as things calm down and you can do so. I know it seems immediate and explosive now, but as time progresses, things tend to calm down so that you can communicate in more productive ways and without harming yourself.
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