So When The Flower Gets Taken Out Of My Tummy How to Make Long Distance Relationships Work

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How to Make Long Distance Relationships Work

Long distance relationships are terrible. I know this because I currently live alone. Every day you watch other couples walking down the street holding hands, kissing, etc. and you can’t help but envy them. So how can a long distance relationship work? How can you continue to love someone if you can’t even see them?

The answer is…it depends on how much you want it to work. True love can overcome all obstacles in its path if you want it badly enough. So the question is, how do you do it? Well, I don’t think anyone knows exactly how to make it work, but I can certainly give some pointers to make it work.

1. COMMUNICATION is the key.

In any relationship, whether close or long distance, taking communication for granted can cause the relationship to falter until it eventually dies a natural death. Therefore, in any situation, communication must be given the utmost importance. There are so many mediums available to ensure that communication remains open. From regular mail and phone calls to chat systems and e-mails or e-postcards. These mediums can be an effective means of conveying the desires of your heart to your loved ones. Let them know what you’ve been doing and thinking because that way they’ll feel like they’re right there with you. It will also help you feel close even though you are miles apart.

2. Send CARE PACKAGES.

It can be anything — a small gift of flowers; a collection of letters he sent you artistically shaped into a scrapbook; or your sweetheart’s favorite jewelry — it’s really only limited by your imagination. Engaging in this way is beneficial for both. You have to focus on collecting those items and putting them together, so that you take some of your mind off of not being together. Your loved one will see how much effort you put in and how much you care. Even if it’s nothing more than a card, it shows that they mean enough to you to take the time to let them know. It never takes a lot of money to show a little love with a small gift. Trust me, it can melt your heart!

3. Be BUSY.

You couldn’t just sit and wait until he came back to you. What if he doesn’t come back at all and you’re just sitting there limping on your stomach, won’t that just make you miserable? In the process, you will not only stunt your growth as an individual, but you would also develop emotional insecurities. To avoid this, you need to focus on other things while waiting. Try to identify your passions. Get in touch with your creative nature. If you are a housewife, you can read tons of books that can help you in your intellectual and emotional development, or you can choose to lie in front of your computer and surf for hours to learn invaluable things online. It’s an endless list of “ways-to-be-employed” and it’s up to you to decide which one you want to get involved in. But remember, being “busy” is not an excuse to forget your “special days” “and worse, your loved one. You don’t just do it to keep yourself busy, but to allow yourself to grow even in the absence of your lover.

4. HONESTY is the best policy.

The path to true intimacy and connection, especially in a long-distance relationship, is through “total honesty” with each other in the full sense of the word. By being authentic and telling your loved one the full truth about your thoughts, feelings, needs, desires, problems, boundaries, etc., you gradually build a zone of trust and comfort for both of you. This is very important if you want your relationship to really last. Seeking to avoid conflict and maintain harmony by censoring yourself may work for a while, but it won’t be long before your suppressed truth comes out in other ways, such as withdrawal, resentment, “acting out”, etc. I know, sometimes, speaking your whole truth can it will be difficult and even scary, but it will result in the kind of relationship you really want– a relationship where all the cards are laid on the table.

5. The value of TRUST

Trust is a very fundamental aspect of any relationship. This is because trust in a relationship removes doubt. When you trust someone, you never have to question their motivations for anything, and with mutual trust, that relationship is strong. You must learn to be faithful to the relationship and never give in to insecurities, strange feelings, doubts and quick impulses because they will only destroy your relationship. Don’t reject negative comments or advice. Just trust yourself and your partner. If you two are faithful to each other and have no ulterior motives, you will be fine. Remember “Love never ends.”

6. COMMITMENT is a habit, not an achievement

In every relationship, it is necessary to learn how to commit and be committed. For most long distance relationships, the very reason they fail is because both parties couldn’t continue the commitment and feel too weak to withstand the hardships of time. If you have committed yourself to each other without nonsense, then there is a good promise ahead of you. Your commitment to each other will keep the passion alive and the fire burning and thus keep the relationship growing.

7. PATIENCE is a virtue.

Being in a long distance relationship requires consistency and persistence. If you are not that kind of person and you are involved in a long distance relationship, then like now, you better try to learn to be patient. Focus on all the positive aspects of the relationship and never lose hope. By showing that you value your partner and the relationship and are willing to patiently work on it, you will let them know that you truly love them.

8. WEB CAMERA

This is only applicable for those who may have their own personal computers at home. But for those who don’t, there are computers for rent in coffee shops with webcams already connected to the computer system. Having a webcam is actually very fun and exciting. Even if you are not together, but seeing each other’s face on the wide screen makes you feel like you are so close, so close to your loved one. My boyfriend and I use Yahoo Messenger to express our emotions with smileys and it melts my heart to see him smile into the camera when he gets my messages.

9. Make special occasions SPECIAL.

A special day doesn’t happen every day, so when it does, it must be celebrated no matter how far apart you are. When I talk about special occasions, I mean birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, New Years and Valentine’s Day. On these occasions, you can plan a busy phone call or extended online time for the evening. Whether you talk every night or a few times a week, make sure you both set aside some time that evening. If you are too stingy to agree to a long phone conversation but have cheap and unlimited internet access, plan to send each other direct messages or meet somewhere in a private chat room. If you can’t be together, at least you can “talk” and “spend private moments together”.

10. ENJOY LIFE!

Not because your loved one is away, it doesn’t mean your “life” has been taken with them as they move on to greener pastures. You have to live your own life and you have to live it according to the purpose for which you were created, with or without a loved one. Anyway, we have our family and friends. What were these social creatures that surround us created for?

Remember, there are certain difficulties associated with this style of relationship, but it is important that those who thrive in a long-distance relationship see the suffering, difficulty, distance, and time as tools to cultivate love and nurture maturity in their relationship. The best thing you can do is try to be the best you as a person while your partner is away, so that when they come back, you’re a grown-up who they’ll love even more and be proud of more than ever! For now, just be happy knowing that there’s someone miles away who thinks you’re so special, they’re willing to commit to a horrible thing like a long-distance relationship. Remember that your suffering is not forever because your loved one will return soon and when that time comes, everything will be much sweeter than it was then.

© 2005 Rachelle Arlin Credo. All rights reserved.

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