Flowing From My Heart Are The Issues Of My Heart Learning the Art of Receiving by Watching a Snake Slide Out of My Solar Plexus

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Learning the Art of Receiving by Watching a Snake Slide Out of My Solar Plexus

This… Is… Huge!! This is a topic that will be difficult for me to write about. It was actually hard to meditate this morning – my body and mind tried everything to avoid it. It obviously knew I was about to dig deep and touch on some big questions for me. I didn’t realize it, but I really hit a nerve, I hit the oil… and what will come next, I have no idea. This is new territory for me – I’m scared, in pain and determined to get to the other side. So let’s do it.

Last night it all started very innocently. Nikstarr held a Womens Gathering event last night which included a beautiful meditation. He took us to our core. During the process we had to reach into the center of the circle to pick up a colored ribbon to represent one of the chakras. I closed my eyes and reached into the pile. I said to myself “I’m going to choose the lane that suits me best”. I opened my eyes – pulled out a yellow ribbon – which represented my solar plexus. I smiled because I knew that was definitely an area I had been working on since June of this year – way back when I took a breathing class. Memories of screaming in pain as he was poked in that area and feeling the concrete block the width of the house inside. Strange… but that’s how I felt.

I’ve been working a lot since then, but as I sat down last night I knew it was time to get back into it. With my heart chakra now finally open, removed from its blockages, as a new strength, I was able to face these last remnants of the concrete wall in my gut. Listening to the incredibly beautiful music that took me on a journey, I could feel the energy flowing into my third eye and back through the heart chakra meeting the crystal in the center of the circle. I felt a flash of energy up my spine as the crystal wand touched my back.

Suddenly, as I focused on my solar plexus, I could feel through my mind’s eye that I was trying to pull something out. As I wrapped my finger around something dark and began to pull out, a large green-brown snake slithered out of my manipura. It seemed to last for years and then it was gone. What was strange was that the weight remained, as did the concrete wall. So I wondered why I didn’t feel lighter after the snake left. I put my mind to it and just trusted that the answers would come. In fact, Nicole mentioned that Kali visited us and left a gift for each of us. That all will be revealed at the full moon on Sunday. Kali is the Hindu goddess who removes the ego and frees the soul from the cycle of birth and death. She said everything we’ve been fighting will be released on Sunday and you’ll be free. I was excited, but I still had no understanding of what this meant for me.

Everything was revealed this morning. I woke up tired and a little irritated. I resisted doing my usual routine of writing in my journal and then meditating. Part of me didn’t want to do it, but something inside me knew there was probably a reason. All the more reason to do it. So after I was finally convinced, I started writing in my journal. I started writing my love letter to money and soon everything changed. I realized that loving others is connected to loving yourself. Our self-worth. So I decided I had to look into it. I realized that I am extremely uncomfortable with this topic and the words “SELFISH” was coming. I felt it in my core. I still get nervous and cry about this. I interpreted self-respect as selfish. But writing in my journal, I admitted that science shows that the universe is in everything and everything is in the universe. Every subatomic the particle is the holograph of the universe Therefore, when I deny the ability to love myself, I deny the universe of love.

I decided that I had found my topic for meditation, and with much resistance I meditated on my own worth. A LOTS OF! There were tears, there was drying up of black energy, there was resistance and there was a lot of realization. I realized that one of the reasons I was attracting men in my life who denied me love – was that in reality I was denying myself love and therefore would never receive the love they ever tried to give. Why love someone who denies you by not receiving your love – they reject your love. I actually burst into tears because I realized that I had blocked ALL love from anyone. I created a protective mechanism that would reject any form of gift because receiving it was selfish. I didn’t want to be selfish because people don’t like people who are selfish. Instead, I’ll just give love – but hey, why don’t they love me back! OMG what a crazy cycle I’ve been in for 30 years! I burst into tears.

I realized that in the next few meditations I must master the art of receiving. Instead of focusing on sending love to people, humanity or even sending love to me. I actually have to sit and receive love. Receive love from me and all those who tried to send it to me all my life, and I refused it. Even as I sit here now – tears of mixed emotions are welling up in my eyes. I’m scared because that old mechanism of selfishness is still trying to take over and I feel guilty. Devastated because I haven’t allowed myself to feel the energy of love for so long, and feeling it is raw.

In meditation I realized why the snake left my solar plexus. For years if someone hurt my ego – I would fight back like a snake. The snake protected me from selfishness. It attacked anyone who sent me love. I wanted to make sure I wasn’t being selfish. The snake leaving was a sign that I was ready to let love in. I’m ready to let people love me. I am ready to receive. That the purpose of snakes is no longer necessary. Although nothing significant seemed to happen last night as it left my soul…it was huge!

I am now on the journey of learning the art of receiving. During the meditation, I felt the first part of the energy hitting my soul. Someone important to me recently told me they loved me, and even though I heard it mentally, I ignored it energetically and emotionally – because I didn’t want to be selfish. This morning I allowed that piece of energy to enter my aura and my heart. I burst into tears again… I felt loved for the first time… As I take a deep breath and type through tear filled eyes, I feel blessed. I am so grateful to have experienced this progress because I imagine many people go through life never letting love in.

What a trip. And it’s only 9:47 in the morning… what will the rest of the day, week, year and eternity hold? Whatever it is, I’m excited to let myself be loved. Receive and gladly receive. Have a new motto “It is selfless to receive”. Because the more I feel love, the more the universe will feel it through me. And the more I feel loved, the more I can return and I know that they too will allow themselves to receive my love. If we can build on that – this world will become an amazing place.

Love and feel love!

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