Be Like A Flower Turn Your Face To The Sun 20 Ways to Get Through Those Bad Days

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20 Ways to Get Through Those Bad Days

After the loss of a loved one we are thrown into the chaos of grief, aimlessly flailing around in a flood of hurt and emotions that overwhelm us. Every day seems like a bad day.

Even many years later we may have days when the strain of coping, the strain of daily demands, and the strain of living becomes too much to bear for a while. We give in and collapse, letting it overwhelm us and pull our emotional burden.

When we are in that place, it is difficult to find a way out, to see daylight and to be able to breathe fresh air again. Here are some tips to help you navigate the black hole – 20 ways to get through the bad days.

Feel it for a while

wallow – to roll around. Sometimes we just have to give ourselves permission to be in the mud of what we feel and experience. We need to be gripped by our great sadness and pain that hurts like nothing else in the world. We must feel for ourselves the depth of our anguish, our deep pain for all that we are going through so that we can open our eyes to another day.

Set a timer – yes, you can wallow, but not forever. It’s a self-absorbed dark place we don’t want to be in forever. Set yourself a time limit – minutes or hours, maybe a whole day. Set boundaries that support you.

Move – any movement is good. If it comes after a good roll, it could be as simple as getting out of bed. It can be a walk around the neighborhood or a good stretch. Activity is a plus for the whole body. Start where you are and go from there.

Use gadgets

Smartphone – find an app that inspires you, something to lift your spirits when you’re down. These can be faith-based, inspirational quotes or nature sounds.

iPads/tablets – there is an amazing array of things you can get today to distract and distract you, to lift you up a little bit from the darkness that can descend. I recently added the TED app to my iPad. TED is a non-profit organization dedicated to ideas worth spreading. Their iPad app has hundreds of talks from their conferences that you can watch on a bad day or when you’re sleep deprived.

Playlists – find your favorite music and put it in playlists depending on your mood. Take one for gloomy days, with music that lifts you up. Take one for a walk. Take one to sleep. You can even get special sleeping straps for the headphones for extra comfort.

Comfort treats

Soft tissues – our poor noses come to blows when we grieve. We have never cried so much. That’s why buy especially gentle tissues to have on hand. A little softness goes a long way when we’re feeling miserable.

To cuddle – buy a beautiful soft and comfortable diving cover. There is something about warmth and coverage that makes us feel protected and cared for. It is a hug with us, for ourselves.

Food– it’s not a good thing to dive into the closet when we’re stressed or overwhelmed, but we all do it and it can be a short-term emotional boost. Save it for those moments when you need it the most. We all have our favourites, for me chocolate-based ones – hot drinks, chocolates or pudding.

Warmth – have you noticed how you feel better when the sun is shining and when you are warm and cozy? Wherever you can, get out into the sun or warm yourself by the fire and let the warmth melt away the ache in your heart a little.

Take a bath – immersion in the warmth of a scented bath or the feeling of hot water in the shower can be very soothing. Combine it with a beautiful soap or oil to make you feel pampered and special.

Be lifted up

Laughter – something that can seem impossible when we are in the depths of despair. Laughing is healthy and there is no reason to feel bad. We all need a little relief, venting and laughing can do so much to release the tension we’re holding on to. Watch this laughter yoga video or keep a few DVDs or tapes handy that you know will make you laugh. It can do so much to break the shell of despair that lies heavy in your heart.

Feed your mind – have a few books, DVDs or tapes that inspire you in some way. You may have some that you will refer to again and again. If not, start collecting a few things that you can use during these difficult days. To comfort you, inspire you and give you hope.

One good thing – it can be the hardest thing in the world to feel grateful for anything when we’ve lost someone we love dearly. However, I believe that if we try and if we practice we can find our one good thing that becomes another and another. It introduces us to the polar opposite of our loss and points us toward hope and healing.

Your candy box – when you have a bad day, give yourself a chance to fight and know what makes you better. It can be a picture or a piece of jewelry. It could be a gift certificate you bought some time ago for a day like today. It can be a beautiful fragrance or a bunch of your favorite flowers. Keep them in your real or imaginary box and tap them when you need to.

Stay connected

Phone a friend – assess how you feel. Sometimes we want to talk, sometimes we don’t. We may not have close friends or family to call, but we may be able to connect in other ways. Grief is a very lonely and isolating experience. We all have times when we need support and we need to know that we are not the only ones who feel this way.

Get support – most bereavement support groups have lists of contacts you can contact for support. If you feel suicidal in any way, seek immediate help from your doctor, hospital or emergency room in your area. The Internet never sleeps and can be a great support and reassurance to those anywhere in the world who need to connect with someone else who is grieving.

Ask for help – I often say, although there are many who can walk with us, we are the only ones who can do the work, the difficult yards of mourning and healing. We are the only ones who can do what it takes to live again. We are the only ones who can seek help to support ourselves as we walk through our grief. Maybe we’ve gone beyond being able to help ourselves, or what we’ve tried just isn’t working. It’s time to try something different. Never be afraid to seek help, it could be a turning point for you.

Go somewhere else

Treat yourself – our homes can become our safety net, our refuge, especially when we feel so very sad. Getting out of the house and being somewhere else gets your body moving, but it can also change your mood. Make it enjoyable, take yourself somewhere nice. Break the mold.

Sit with the birds – nature is incredibly restorative and healing. Sit outside for 10 minutes with a cup or go for a walk in the nearby park. Listen to the sounds of nature; let it be balm for your soul. Find a beautiful picture of our beautiful world to decorate your desktop or place on your desk. Buy a fountain and be surrounded by the sounds of nature in your everyday life.

Go visit – where have you always wanted to go? See it in your mind, imagine it. Bring it to life with pictures. Read about it, think about it, and plan. Having something to look forward to can help us cope with the difficulties we are going through now. It may not be a long-held dream, it could be a trip for a night or two, a vacation, or something you’ve always wanted to do.

Try some of these on for size; check if they fit you. If not, figure out your own ways. You help yourself as best you can by finding what works for you and then doing it.

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